Spoiler alert: It's MillerCoors, so there is nothing about beer in this article.

With material this frankly revealing, it's hard for a writer not to be masterful. All he need do is stand aside, and let the speakers impale themselves on their own bilge.

The topic is the aptly named Miller Fortune, and Jim Vorel interviews two MillerCoors functionaries, one a Goebbels agitprop clone and the other a "brewer", who explain the development process. The marketing-driven double-speak spewing from their corporate lips is so hilarious that readers can't quite dispel the possibility of it being satire. Is it real, or is it the greatest comic skit about mass-market-think, ever?

Conceding the obvious -- one juggles whatever one is commanded to juggle by whomever signs the checks, or risks no longer receiving them -- do these two buffoons really believe that the jargon they're dispensing means anything at all to today's beer enthusiast?

Or, that it means anything at all, to anyone?

It's beer! It's liquor! It's market share! (shareholder orgasms all around)

Lamentably, Vorel stoops to the poor usage of "reached out," but apart from that slippage, he does a fine job of exposing the utterly vapid.

Big Beer Innovation: Q&A With MillerCoors' Brewmaster, by Jim Vorel (Paste)

... You will definitely see us approaching a much wider range of beer and cider innovations in the future. Everything we’re doing brand-wide is to reinforce the authenticity of the Miller name. We believe the success of the throwback cans isn’t so much nostalgia but because the image signifies authenticity and quality.