Keep your gun out of my bar, please. Thank you. Can we drink now?

I live in a Third World country, but there'll be no scoffing from me in the sense of noting, "well, it's Kentucky, after all." That's because Indiana is little better when it comes to bizarre concepts; witness HJR-3/6.

Kentucky Senate OKs Bill Allowing Concealed Carry Permit-Holders to Bring Guns into Bars, by Stu Johnson (Kentucky Public Radio)

FRANKFORT — Legislation that would allow people with concealed carry permits to bring firearms into bars and restaurants is on its way to the Kentucky House.

The state Senate passed the measure Thursday by a 30 to 4 vote. State Sen. John Schickel says he believes Senate Bill 60 is about the right to defend oneself. He told fellow senators that crime rates and gun-related accidents have fallen since concealed carry laws were established.

A few years back, I was phoned from Bank Street Brewhouse. Seems that someone was in the bar with a gun -- and he wasn't a police officer. The gun was in a holster, fully on display. Diners were uncomfortable. The explanation slowly unfolded; staff had expressed gentle displeasure with his choice of outerwear, and the drinker replied that it was too bad, but he had a permit, and could do when and where as he pleased.

Of course, I can walk down the street naked. Just because I can, doesn't mean I will; after all, I have a measure of respect for the sensibilities of my fellow human beings, even the Lite drinkers.

So, who's going to be the one to volunteer to tell the guy with the gun that guns are not permitted at the bar? That's what I thought. Did we comp him just to be rid of the discomfort? Sounds like quite the racket to me.

I grew up around guns, and as an adult, I'd prefer guns not be around me. Like Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce of television's M*A*S*H ...

I will not carry a gun, Frank. When I got thrown into this war I had a clear understanding with the Pentagon: no guns. I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I'll even 'hari-kari' if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun!

To, me, firearms are roughly akin to cars, sports and Viagra as penile enhancement devices, and I already have a penis, thanks. Pieces of machinery (including fermenters) generally are value-neutral, their performance dependent on the guiding mind of humans. Conversely, human minds infected with machismo, conspiracy theories, hatred and just plain variable mental health issues offer as much cause to be frightened as the typical armed robber, who after all, just wants my money.

But, I'm no prohibitionist. My own professional world of alcoholic beverages symbolizes "legal but heavily regulated," and that strikes me as utterly appropriate. You need a gun to cope, and I need a bottle. More alcoholic beverages to redress alcoholism? I'll get right on it. Whatever gets you through your life, it's all right.

You can do as you please, with this caveat: Keep your gun out of my bar, please.

Thank you.