Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Stop "reaching out" before I tear your arm off.

I receive solicitations on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis. Almost all of them are for a worthy cause, and I generally respond by donating one of my personal, guided tasting certificates, which do well in silent auction formats. Admittedly, I'm finding it a bit tedious to be asked to donate multiple kegs of beer for your fundraisers, but that's a different topic.

Today I received this e-mail; names and organizations have been removed to protect those about to be berated.

My name is ( ... ) and I am emailing you on behalf of ( ... ). I wanted to reach out and give you an opportunity to participate in our first annual Oktoberfest fundraiser to be held ...

Pay attention, world, and observe these words carefully:

I wanted to reach out ...

That's what I thought you wrote. Note that THE CURMUDGEON HATES THIS CONTEMPTIBLE, LAZY, TRENDY USAGE!

You can request, ask, demand, beg, implore or connive, and there's a good chance I will finish reading your words or listening to you speak. But, henceforth, any solicitation I receive that bears any trace of this lingustic "reach out" repugnance will be unceremoniously trashed.

You have been warned. Carry on.

3 comments:

johnking said...

my favorite part of the post is "shit that needs to stop right now" as a tag.

Matt Nash said...

I think AT&T is to blame.

Rob said...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-14201796

See #35, you arent alone.