Tuesday, April 24, 2007

What’s a curmudgeon to do?

I tend to avoid the wasteland of television, but as a selective pro sports fan, watching the big games means witnessing more inanity than any human should be forced to endure.

This year’s NBA playoffs are being marred by what might be the single most vapid playoff jingle ever (“Right now”) run ad nauseam by ABC, leaving the sole option of muting early and often – 100% of the time when Bill Walton is doing “color” commentary …and, of course, during Miller Lite commercials.

In this year’s nominee for most consistently offensive televised beer ad, we’re shown a totalitarian vision of thousands of mass-produced Miller Lite units rolling through one of the company’s sterile beer factories as the immaculately costumed employees gather to celebrate Miller Lite’s first place finish in the World Beer Championships.

The category? American-style Light Lager.

If you’re new to all this, such a triumph looks impressive at first glance, but be aware that such made-for-mass-market-swill categories are among the more surreal in the beer judging pantheon. In essence, the American-style light lager designation as a standard in any competition calls for the judge to consider all the prime aspects of beer – body, flavor, malt, hops – and then to determine whether the light beer being examined has had each component successfully neutered, if not entirely removed.

(Drum roll please): In the end, the un-beer-iest of the contestants wins … and the banners are hoisted for the approbation of the clueless.

A female acquaintance once noted that drinking light beer is indeed comparable to love on the beach, but with no hope of orgasm – something she said was far too common in her life.

The televised world of swillocracy shilling makes the fast food, monster truck and deodorant ads seem sensible and well meaning – and that’s frightening.

1 comment:

antzman said...

I remember seeing the packaging change for the Miller Lite come through the store a few months ago with the World Beer Championship logos on it. After my initial double take, I wondered what poor judges had to rate that category. Switching from Imperial Stouts to Plebian Light Lagers had to be rough on the old palate.