Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Bad Elf freed in Connecticut ... but the "fight is definitely not over."

In October, we first learned of a "criminally" Bad Elf wreaking havoc in the state of Connecticut: Importer and blue noses square off in Connecticut's Elf beer ban.

In short, state alcohol regulators refused to approve custom-designed labels on bottles of English-brewed special winter ale that referred to various misbehavin' and drinkin' elves.

As the riotously funny beer importer Dan Shelton reports on his importing company’s web site, there’s been a parole of sorts.

All right, so many of you now know that the State of Connecticut has seen the error of its ways and has agreed to approve our Christmas beer labels. Unfortunately for the good people of Connecticut, they still may not be able to buy these beers this year, but more about that in a day or so. The fight is definitely not over.

The highlight of Dan’s account of his journey into the heart of bureaucratic darkness comes when he reprints comments received by his company since the story hit the wires, and among them is the following gem that deserves consideration in its punctuationally-challenged entirety:

Glad you think you won. By making a mockery of our State Liquor Division by crying about your 'Free Speech'....give me a break. You ARE profiting by using a symbolism that in our state is rightfully illegal to do. Shame on you. Those regulations are in my eyes prudent and most necessary. Children learn from a young age that alcohol abuse is acceptable. Leave a bottle of your swill around with your XMAS Characters...Jr. won't think it's cool to pick up Mom and Dad's nasty habit....Well, due to your Company's arrogance in deciding to skirt our laws, I think maybe it's time for a good 'ol fashioned BOYCOTT ..yep.. You people are the worse case and a Poster Child on how NOT to be a re= sponsible company. I hope you're SUED for negligence. Damn beer drinkers are scum.

Scum? That’s so … precious.

Really, all that's missing is "Confound Taxpayer" or "$$$$$$" as a signature, a disparaging reference to the incumbent Mayor, and “jus’ my ‘pinion” at the end, and it might have been written by an anonymous New Albanian doing the "Trog Sham (an)'s Blues" karaoke at the Luddite Bar & Grill.

Come to think of it, maybe it was ... if so, come on over to Rich O's and visit on December 16, when Seriously Bad Elf will be served on draft during our Saturnalia winter solstice festival:

"We're putting the Pagan back into Christmas -- one pint at a time."

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