Saturday, October 21, 2006


Here is a preview of the "FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS (FAQ)" section of the NABC web site, which Jay Tyler and I are in the process of revamping.

Q. When will it be finished?

A. Don't ask.

f. My grandfather told me that bock beer …

He meant well, but it isn’t true. Bock beers do not come about because of the dark residue of once-yearly spring cleaning. Also, the beer you had in Prague that was identified as “12” referred to gravity, not the alcohol content (and the fact that it made you drunk probably owed to the injudicious use of absinthe). Darkness is not an indicator of strength, and ale won’t give you a headache unless you drink far too much of it – same goes for lager.

g. What’s the difference between ale and lager?

Glad you asked. As terms, “ale” and “lager” exist to divide the world of brewing into “top-fermenting ales” and “bottom-fermenting lagers.” Both terms refer to the behavior of the yeast during fermentation. Top fermentation was the default mode until the advent of cooler, bottom fermentation techniques two hundred years ago in Germany and the present-day Czech Republic. Most (but not all) classic continental ale styles hail from the British Isles and Belgium, while most (but not all) lager styles originated in Germany and Central Europe.

h. Can you get Fat Tire/Alaskan Amber/Westvleteren 12?

The answer is “no” to all three, because they don’t have legal distribution channels to the state of Indiana. Neither Fat Tire (New Belgium Brewing in Colorado) nor Alaskan Brewing Company seek to ship beer as far away as Indiana, and Westvleteren’s Trappist abbey does not export from Belgium to America.

i. Why is there a blue toilet seat on the wall?

Here’s the explanation, but you might want to open a beer first.

The Story Behind the Seat.

j. What does the Red Room mean?

Regular customer Dave Siltz once overheard someone asking this question, and his response was:

This dingbat behind me just asked me why the red room is called the red room. I told her that it might have something to do with the wall that's painted red, but that my money was on the 11,000 pieces of Communist memorabilia on the walls.

In short, the Red Room means whatever you want it to mean, but in the very beginning, it meant that the wall was large enough to accommodate the oversized three-part Lenin poster (purchased in the USSR) that I’d never previously had room to hang in my various places of residence.

Mundane, but true.

k. Do you have any "normal" beer?

Yes, we do. According to FDA guidelines, we have certified each and every one of our beers to be "normal" by means of a secret, mysterious process that involves a clean glass and a big thirst. Some of our normal beers are foreign, and some American. Some of our normal beers are not "that dark &*%#." However not one of them is "light," because (all together now), it’s a LITE FREE ZONE.

No comments: