"So if you want my beer, you need to keep me happy."

Whenever I read Kevin Patterson's essays, I'm transported through the beer time warp, back to the period 1992-2002. I was much younger, a tad more temperamental, and ensconced behind the Public House bar almost every day. The amazing aspect of my subsequent reputation as one unable to suffer fools is how often I actually did. Some days, when the fastball isn't crackling and the curveball isn't breaking, you get by on guile ... and then overcompensate afterwards by suckling at the taps and consuming profits.

I say this in jest, Kevin, but are you sure you're not somehow plagiarizing my subconscious coping mechanisms from the grunge era? I resemble so many of these remarks.

Screwed Up Beer Week (vol 12) - Don't Be "That Guy"! Here's How...

... Get the hell out of my bubble!: When folks drink, there seems to be the need for them to crawl up in my shirt in order to talk with me. Don't be that guy! I don't need your halitosis and stout breath sticking to my hair to have a good chat. Especially if I'm behind the bar. That's my space- not yours. You cross that imaginary line where the business side of the bar starts and the friendly side ends and I have full permission to put your ass to work! We're probably not as close as you think. Simply put, don't chase me around the bar.

"Second hand news usually is mistaken."

Obviously, I write quite a lot.

It is a compulsion of sorts, and it always comes in the sincere hope that my words will be read. As David Brinkley once put it, “Everyone is entitled to my opinion.”

Words I write are published alongside my name, because to me, anonymity is tantamount to cowardice. For those like me with strong views, there is an inescapable element of living and dying by the rhetorical sword, and I accept this condition of the engagement.

Give and take is common, but every now and then, a complaint will be registered to the effect that someone, somewhere, has taken offense at words I’ve written. Actually I’m delighted with such feedback, and quite willing to discuss particulars, so long as we’re reasonably clear about parameters.

First, let’s get down to basics.

“Heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend” is an annoyingly Junior High School attribution, and second hand news usually is mistaken. Seeing as I never erase or alter what I’ve written, the offending passage surely remains out there, so don’t put the wrong words in my mouth – I’m capable on occasion of doing precisely that without anyone else’s help. Find the actual words I used, please.

Then, once the offending passage has been located at the source, kindly let me know what it says. Believe it or not, it’s not always easy to remember the content of several hundred thousand words written, numerous Facebook status updates posted and 17,000 tweets tweeted when one drinks beer for a living over a period of 30 or more years.

The final step is this: I will consider and review anything I’ve written. If it is true, then I’ll stand by it, come what may. If it is false, I’ll also stand by it –
They’re my words, after all – but I’ll admit my error, make my corrections, and take my lumps.

Fair enough? Thank you for reading.