Metaphors and reveries: Corona, Heineken, Donald Trump and carbonated urine.

Photo credit and more at Snopes.

Until now, I hadn't heard this verified story of a wholesaler spreading rumors about the urine content of Corona, although "workers pissing in vats" certainly goes back a long way.

Naturally, I've often accused Corona of being carbonated urine, which was intended metaphorically, of course.

I think.

Meanwhile, metaphor isn't something associated with our President-elect, so there was nothing symbolic about the prices being charged for drinks at Donald Trump's victory party's cash-only bar, though we're left to speculate whether Mexican or Dutch mass-market lager made it onto the "imported" list for eleven bucks.

$7 for a soft drink? This aren't rural American prices at all, but funnier yet is this headline in Fortune:

Maker of Corona Beer Sees Stock Tumble After Trump Victory

I'd mention the prospect of this tumble affecting Ballast Point, but who needs Zombie Craft in the Time of Trump? He doesn't strike me as a Double IPA kind of guy, though especially now, I suppose anything's possible.

Back to the 1980s, and Heineken's dirty pool.

In 1987, Heineken Tried to Convince Beer Drinkers That Corona Was Actually Urine, by Mariana Zapata (Atlas Obscura)

It turns out Heineken is the original mean girl.

Though the brand had only arrived to the United States in 1979, its rise to the top was almost immediate. Its allure as the “California surfer/life by the beach” beer of choice, made it a national favorite. Less than ten years after its arrival, it was second only to Heineken for imported beer popularity.

It seemed like nothing could stop Corona Extra, a product of the Mexican beer company, Grupo Modelo. But then, unexpectedly, stores begun to refuse to sell it, sales plummeted, and the entire country turned against it. The reason? A rumor that urine was one of its components.

Beer distributors whispered that Mexican workers used beer containers destined to be exported to the U.S. as urinals. Supposedly, this was the way the irate workers took vengeance on their northern neighbors and fiercest rivals. Or something to that effect.

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Lagunitas and Heineken: The bigger the price tag, the greater the irrelevance.

The Lagunitas/Heineken deal struck me no differently than when picking up a Wall Street Journal or Financial Times and reading the breathless report of a Chinese plumbing supplies manufacturer agreeing to pay 4.5 gazillion whatevers for a 50% stake in a French PVC pipe flange fabricator.

It's just money now. True, some day I might board a plane somewhere and have the choice of canned Lagunitas, as brewed by a Heineken subsidiary in Kenya, and then maybe I'll drink one. Then again, I might shoot a 50 ml of Seagram's Gin instead -- or just have straight apple juice.

Now more than ever, what matters to me is supporting brewers who function as independent local business persons. I know from a quarter-century of experience that these are the folks keeping the ethos real, and the money local, where it recirculates and helps other local businesses. It's just a matter of personal taste. Multinationals like Heineken have enough money. I'd rather have more control over where mine is spent.

It's time to put the genuinely local and "micro" back into this thing we all love. They're my bold italics in the wonderful passage below. Thanks, Jeff Alworth. It's where my head has been for a very long while.

WE NEED TO DIAL IT BACK A NOTCH, by Jeff Alworth (All About Beer Magazine)

... The world of American brewing is so hot right now that it’s hard to announce anything without lapsing into hyperbole. Everything’s the best thing ever, always. And, when a brewery sells itself to a larger brewery, it is the worst thing ever. Magee’s announcement is a spectacular Trump-like masterpiece of overstatement, and for me it was the moment Craft jumped the shark into over-seriousness. Going forward, I’m planning to focus less on the specific products and breweries of the commercial sphere—they will come and go, inevitably—and more on the act of sharing a beer with someone I enjoy. And I definitely won’t be thinking of any brewery as so important that it can change the trajectory of history. It’s time to dial everything back a notch.